


Thought It'd Be Harmless

by jbarnes2494



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Christmas, Christmas in New York, Ex Sex, F/M, Feels, Fluff, New York, Oral Sex, SHIELD, Sad, Secret Intelligence Service | MI6, Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28015776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbarnes2494/pseuds/jbarnes2494
Summary: When work brings reader back to New York City, she has to face her lingering feelings for a certain supersoldier.Based on "Sex (With My Ex)" by Fletcher
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	Thought It'd Be Harmless

Christmas in New York was just as I remembered it – Storefronts overflowing with holiday décor, trees and shrubs adorned with twinkling lights, and people pushing past each other, in a rush to get everything done before the big day. It had been a few years since I’d been in the city during Christmas, but an assignment I’d been sent on had brought me back. Growing up in London, I was used to extravagant holiday displays, but New York at Christmastime would always hold a special place in my heart.

At the moment, though, it was neither my assignment nor the holidays that had me walking down Prospect Place in Brooklyn at dusk. The street was familiar – more familiar to me than it should have been – and my heart started beating faster as I neared my destination.

He was standing outside the coffee shop waiting for me when I arrived, holding two to-go cups of coffee. He was dressed in jeans and a leather jacket over a plain gray t-shirt, barely enough to keep warm on a chilly December evening, if he had to worry about the cold. His face lit up with a brilliant smile when he saw me, and my heart flipped in my chest.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted as I approached him. “I got your favourite – a hazelnut cappuccino.”

He handed me one of the cups, and I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth. The fact that he insisted on meeting up at the place we’d had our first date and still remembered my coffee order should have annoyed me, but instead it had butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

“Thanks,” I murmured, taking a sip and letting the hot liquid warm my insides. “I wasn’t sure you’d reach out, let alone know I was in town.”

“Steve heard from Fury and told me,” Bucky replied, grin rueful. “It’s been awhile, I thought it’d be nice to catch up.”

I nodded. “Right. So, did you wanna sit” – I gestured at the bistro tables outside the coffee shop – “or walk?”

“You’ll stay warmer if we’re moving. Besides, I know how much you love Christmas in the city. I won’t deprive you of that.”

A blush tinted my cheeks pink, but I fell into step with Bucky as we made our way down the street. Part of me knew this was a very bad idea, even seeing him, but a larger part squashed those thoughts. We were just two friends catching up; we’d keep the conversation light and carefully avoid anything to do with the past. As long as there were no expectations, it would be harmless.

“So, how’s London?” Bucky asked as we walked. I shrugged.

“It was always home to me, so it wasn’t much of an adjustment moving back.”

I would have missed it had I not known him so well, but my eyes caught the way Bucky flinched at my words. I pursed my lips and shook my head.

“I just meant that’s where I grew up –” I started, but Bucky cut me off.

“I know what you meant, (Y/N); no need to explain.” He took a sip of his coffee – black, with two sugars, if my memory served me – and was silent a moment before speaking again. “So, the MI6," he said airily. “Must be quite the step up from S.H.I.E.L.D. You’re one of the elites now, like James Bond.”

I snorted. “I see Sam has introduced you to another movie franchise.”

Bucky’s grin was mischievous. “How do I know you aren’t undercover right now and trying to gather intel to take back to England?” he accused, and I arched a brow at him. 

“ _You_ reached out to _me_ , remember?” I pointed out. Bucky’s smile softened.

“I did,” he agreed. “I missed you, (Y/N).”

I froze. I shook my head, heart in my throat. “Bucky…”

“I didn’t mean it like that, calm down. Can’t a friend tell another friend he’s missed her? We _are_ friends, aren’t we?”

The breath I’d been holding left my lungs in a _whoosh_ , and I nodded dazedly. “Right. Yes. Of course. Friends,” I mumbled. Bucky gave me an inquiring look, brow furrowed and blue eyes boring into mine until I had to tear my gaze away. I took a sip of my cappuccino, fighting to steady my heart rate.

“So, how’s the rest of the team?” I asked once I’d regained my composure. Bucky shrugged.

“Nothing’s changed. Steve and Tony still bicker. Sam is still annoying as hell most of the time. Things are still awkward between Nat and Bruce. You know, the usual.”

“I miss everyone,” I admitted, and Bucky’s smile was soft and sad.

“They miss you, too, doll. You always had a way of bringing everyone together, even when we were all tired and cranky and ready to throttle each other.”

His words left a tightness in my chest, and I frowned. We were encroaching on a dangerous topic, and if I didn’t steer the conversation elsewhere, we’d be opening a can of worms I wasn’t prepared to deal with. I forced a smile onto my face, and pointed to a group of Christmas carollers down the street.

“Look, how wonderful!” I exclaimed, and before Bucky could say anything, I was already halfway down the street.

It was easier than I thought to keep conversation light. We talked about our plans for Christmas, my family, the difference in weather between New York and London, and other things that two friends catching up would talk about. I had forgotten how easily conversation flowed between Bucky and I, and it wasn’t long before the tension had melted from my body and I was enjoying his company without feeling anxious.

“You’re cold,” Bucky pointed out as I shoved my hands into the pockets of my wool peacoat.

“Maybe a little,” I admitted, and with a frown Bucky took a gentle hold of my arm and pulled me into the nearest building.

We were immediately met with warmth, and I shivered in relief. He had pulled us into a cozy little pub, Christmas lights lining the windows and the bar, and Frank Sinatra crooning _White Christmas_ drifted through the air and mingled with the chatter of the bar patrons. The air smelled of beer, whiskey, and hickory smoke, and I couldn’t help but think it reminded me of the pubs back home in England.

“How about I buy you a drink?” Bucky suggested. I pursed my lips, hesitant.

“I really shouldn’t; it’s getting late and I have a flight to catch early tomorrow morning…” I started, but Bucky shook his head.

“It’s just one drink, (Y/N),” he insisted. “What’s the harm? It’s still early in the night, you’ll have plenty of time to prepare for your flight tomorrow.” He paused, giving me his best wide-eyed puppy dog look – the one I had always been powerless against. I glared half-heartedly at him with a shake of my head.

“Don’t give me that look!” I cried. “You know I’ve never been able to resist it.”

“Exactly,” he replied with a smirk. “So, one drink?”

“One drink,” I ceded, and Bucky grinned triumphantly as he dragged me to the bar. He ordered two Greyhounds and we settled on a couple of the barstools. “You remembered,” I murmured, taking a sip of the grapefruit and gin cocktail. Bucky grinned.

“Does that surprise you?”

I shook my head. “No, considering enhanced memory is one of the side effects of the supersoldier serum.”

Bucky shrugged. “Or maybe I just paid attention.”

Feeling my cheeks heating, I lifted the glass to my mouth and took a larger sip. The alcohol was smooth as it warmed my throat. I set the glass back down on the bar, fingertips tracing the rim as I spoke.

“I’m going to miss New York,” I admitted, my gaze focused over Bucky’s shoulder at the window overlooking the street. “I was ecstatic when they told me my next assignment was here.”

“So stay a little longer,” Bucky replied. “Tell them you need more time –”

“It doesn’t work like that,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m on a tight schedule. Plus, if I didn’t come home for Christmas, I’m positive my parents would kill me.”

Bucky grinned. “I always was a little afraid of your father,” he admitted, and I snorted.

“And it always amused me that the Winter Soldier was afraid of a university professor that wears tweed jackets.”

“An _Oxford University_ professor,” Bucky defended. “He’s so intelligent and so proper, it was intimidating. He always had a way of making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you.”

I frowned. “You know that’s not true,” I said quietly, and Bucky’s smile was sad.

“Even so, we didn’t work out for a reason, huh?”

As he looked at me, blue eyes piercing and lips quirked up the tiniest bit at one corner, I had a hard time remembering what that reason was. He was so handsome and charming, and we got on so easily, it made it difficult to remember all the sleepless nights and fights that ended in tears or one of us storming out. Or maybe I just didn’t want to remember how poorly we handled our disagreements.

Shaking my head, I downed the rest of my drink, and I didn’t even notice when the bartender switched my empty glass for a full one. I took another long gulp and then cocked my head to the side. Bucky was regarding me with an unreadable expression.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. You.”

I wrinkled my nose. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m proud of you,” he murmured, and my brow furrowed deeper as a blush crept up my neck. He continued, voice soft. “I know Fury wasn’t the easiest on you while you were with S.H.I.E.L.D., but you always held your own and proved yourself, and _now_ …Well, you’re an SIS agent, and a damned good one at that.” He grinned at my confused expression. “Yes, we’ve heard of some of your accomplishments. Word gets around in the intelligence community.”

I chose my words carefully. “Thank you,” I told him. “I know you didn’t always agree with me being out in the field, so it’s nice to hear you support me.”

“I’ve always supported you, doll. I just hated the thought of anything happening to you while in the field.” Bucky’s lips twitched. “You’ve proved time and time again, though, that you can handle yourself. I’m glad you’re finally doing something that makes you happy, even if it means you’re halfway across the world.”

I finished my second drink before speaking, letting the alcohol provide the confidence I surely wouldn’t possess otherwise. “You should have known if I could keep up with you in the bedroom, I could handle a few idiots with guns,” I said with a smirk, and to my satisfaction Bucky’s eyes widened before narrowing.

“Careful, doll,” he said in a low voice, eyes sparkling. “You’re starting to fall back into old habits.”

“And what would that be? Proving that it takes absolutely nothing to have you itching to tear my clothes off?”

For a moment we were silent, the air between us thick and heavy, and then Bucky was laughing, a deep sound rumbling from his chest. “Ah, you have no idea how much I missed this,” he chuckled. “No one has ever been able to banter with me like you. You always did challenge me, (Y/N).”

I grinned as I accepted a third drink from the bartender. “Someone’s got to keep you on your toes,” I teased, and Bucky grinned into his own drink.

“You look amazing, by the way,” he murmured after a few moments. “I meant to say that earlier.”

I blushed. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Sergeant,” I replied, lips quirked into a smile. “You cut your hair.”

Bucky’s cheeks were dusted pink as he ducked his head, running his flesh hand over his short, dark locks. “Yeah, I figured it was time for a change. Mostly I was tired of Sam calling me Axl Rose.” He grinned ruefully. “I know you always liked it long, though…”

I shook my head. “No, I kinda like it short,” I insisted, truthfully. “It looks good. Makes you look younger.”

“As young as someone almost a hundred and four can look, you mean,” he chuckled, and I giggled.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Barnes; you don’t look a day over ninety-five.”

Bucky cocked a dark eyebrow. “ _Ouch_. Your words cut deep, doll.”

I giggled again. Somehow, our bodies had gravitated closer to each other until I could see the gray mixed in with the blue of his irises, illuminated by the Christmas lights. The soft buzz of alcohol flowed through my veins, leaving me feeling warm and giddy, and I lifted a hand to lightly touch the short strands of hair framing Bucky’s face.

“Y’know, I always liked your long hair because I could run my fingers through it,” I murmured, “but I guess it’d be just as easy to do it now.” I carded my fingertips through his short locks, and Bucky’s eyes drifted shut.

“Feels nice,” he mumbled, and I grinned as my fingers curled in his hair and tugged with just the slightest bit of force. Bucky’s eyes snapped open, the blue-gray swallowed almost entirely whole by black. I felt my heart leap to my throat as a slow smirk curved my lips upward.

“Good to know I can still do that, too,” I murmured, and a low growl rumbled deep in Bucky’s chest.

“Don’t go startin’ somethin’ you aren’t prepared to finish, doll,” he warned, and I hesitated. This is exactly what I _hadn’t_ wanted to happen – But the way he was looking at me right now reminded me so much of the way he used to look at me that it simultaneously had my stomach fluttering with butterflies and my core flooding with heat.

“ _Fuck it_ ,” I muttered, and then I downed the rest of drink number three before standing. “How close is your place from here?”

Two blocks. Not far at all, but as Bucky led me down the street, flesh hand tight around mine, my heart hammered against my ribcage and my entire body ached in anticipation. He tugged me up three flights of stairs in a prewar apartment building, stopping outside a large wooden door and pulling a set of keys from his pocket. He was quick to unlock the door, and once we were inside, he wasted no time in kicking the door closed and pulling me into his arms.

Bucky’s lips searched out mine like magnets, and the second they connected I melted into his embrace. It felt like a homecoming, like I was returning to my place of comfort after being away for so long. His kiss was soft and sensual, his lips warm and plush against mine, but I craved more and my teeth dragged teasingly over his bottom lip. Bucky growled, and then his tongue slipped into my mouth until we were sharing breaths. He had backed me into the wall and his hands were unbuttoning my coat as my fingers hooked into the beltloops of his jeans to hold him tight to me. He peeled off my coat and shrugged out of his leather jacket before sliding his arms under my thighs and lifting me so my legs wrapped around his torso.

He carried me through the apartment to his bedroom, lips attacking mine, and when I was back on my feet, he was quick to rid me of my sweater. His eyes landed on the red lacy bra I wore and he licked his lips, gaze predatory.

“Just as perfect as I remembered,” he murmured, and then his hands cradled my face as his lips crashed back to mine. My hands slipped under his t-shirt, and I revelled in the way his muscles tightened and contracted under my fingertips. My legs hit the edge of the bed and then I was on my back on the mattress, and Bucky was pulling off my boots before his fingers hooked into the waistband of my leggings. He tugged them and my underwear off my hips in one swift motion, leaving my dripping heat on full display.

“Christ, doll, look at you,” he breathed in awe, and I wiggled my hips impatiently.

“Touch me,” I demanded breathlessly. I expected him to torment me; Bucky Barnes had never been one to take orders in the bedroom. But he only growled as his hands spread my thighs further apart.

“This what you need, baby girl?” he rasped, and then his tongue delved into my folds and licked up from my entrance to my clit at an agonizing pace. I gasped, back arching off the mattress as my eyes scrunched shut.

“Fuck, I missed your mouth,” I whined. “You’re so fucking good with it.”

I could feel Bucky grin into my heat as he devoured me, and in no time at all I was a keening, writhing mess under his ministrations. As his tongue swirled around my clit, he dipped two thick fingers into my heat, pumping them in and out slowly. The sensations were overwhelming – Neither myself nor the handful of men I’d been with since the breakup had managed to make me feel half as good as he was right now, with just his mouth and his hands. I whimpered, feeling myself teetering on the edge of release.

“Come for me, baby girl,” Bucky murmured into my core, fingertips searching out my most sensitive part inside me. My hips bucked and my hands fisted in the bedsheets as I moaned shamelessly. “That’s it, let go. Wanna taste how sweet you are when you come on my tongue.”

His words pushed me over the edge, and my orgasm exploded white-hot as I cried out his name, fingers tangling in his hair. Bucky growled into my core, fingers slowing as his tongue lapped hungrily at my release. Once he was satisfied he had sufficiently cleaned me up, he crawled up my body and kissed me languorously, making sure I tasted myself on his tongue.

“Sweet as honey,” he murmured against my throat as he pulled away. “Still my favourite taste.”

My legs were still shaky post-orgasm, but I was able to hook them around Bucky’s and flip us over so he was on his back and I was straddling him. His eyes rounded as my fingers deftly unbuckled his belt and popped the button of his jeans, tugging at the waistband. He lifted his hips and I yanked them down his legs, revealing the prominent bulge in the front of his black boxer briefs.

“Mmm, is that for me, Sergeant?” I murmured, palming him through the thin fabric of his underwear, and Bucky’s head fell back on the mattress as a hiss passed through his clenched teeth.

“’Course it is,” he managed to rasp. “Always been yours, baby girl, you know that.”

My hand stilled, and I met his eyes. He was wrecked, but his eyes were lucid and boring into mine with a burning intensity as well as a vulnerable honesty that he rarely displayed. _Stop_ , the rational part of my brain was screaming, _before you get too far into this and can’t get out_. But something deeper and more instinctual nudged me on, insisting that the look Bucky was giving me now was everything I had been missing in my life for the past year. He was _mine_. He was always meant to be mine. And I was going to remind him of that.

I peeled off his boxer briefs, and his cock sprang free, hot and hard and leaking precum. I wrapped my hand around his length, swiping my thumb over the tip, and Bucky grunted as his hips rutted up into my touch. I couldn’t help the grin that spread my lips. It was satisfying to know I still held this power over him.

I leaned in to swipe my tongue along the underside of his shaft before my lips enveloped his tip, tongue swirling around, and he groaned, flesh hand coming up to gather my hair away from my face.

“Just like that, doll, _fuck_ ,” he panted, until I’d taken nearly all of him in my mouth – Which was a feat, considering his more-than-above-average size. I could feel tears sting my eyes as he hit the back of my throat, and I eased off a bit and hollowed out my cheeks as I bobbed my head along his length. His entire body was taut, like a live wire, but before I could get him to snap, his hands were gently pulling my face away from him. I looked up at him with confusion furrowing my brow.

“Why…” I started, but he grinned and pulled me up to kiss me thoroughly.

“As much as I love your mouth, doll, I wanna be inside you when I come,” he murmured, and my walls clenched in anticipation. Bucky’s hands deftly removed my bra and he yanked his t-shirt over his head, leaving us completely bare as our hands explored each other’s bodies, recommitting every curve and plane to memory.

Rolling us over, Bucky hovered above me as he kissed me dizzy. Lining himself up with my entrance, he paused, searching my eyes with his.

“Tell me to stop,” he breathed. I shook my head, rolling my hips up until he slipped into me.

Bucky groaned, and I let out a high-pitched whine as my hands clutched at his waist desperately. It had always amazed me how well he filled me, his thickness stretching my walls until the line between pain and pleasure was blurred, the tip of his cock pressed snugly against my cervix when he was fully sheathed inside me. As if we were made for each other. And in this moment, fire burning through my veins and my breath catching in my throat as he shifted just the tiniest bit, I wasn’t convinced we _weren’t_ made for each other.

We exploded like fire and gasoline, falling quickly into a rhythm like no time had passed since the last time we’d gotten lost in each other. Bucky’s hips rutted into me hard and deliberate as his mouth claimed mine in a devastatingly fierce kiss, and it was all I could do not to entirely lose myself in the sensation of being completely consumed by him, nails raking down the heated skin of his back as my hips eagerly rolled up to meet his every thrust.

Bucky’s grip on my hips was bruising, but I would gladly carry his marks with me for days to come, as a reminder of how foolish we had ever been to think we could live without each other.

“(Y/N)…” he rasped, breath hot on my face, and I opened my eyes to find his face just millimetres from mine. Though his lust-blown pupils had nearly swallowed whole his irises, they still managed to burn as he held my gaze, and I could feel my heart in my throat under his heat. I tilted my head to catch his lips, and he kissed me like he was speaking to me without words.

The coil in my belly tightened, and I could tell Bucky was close, too, by the way his thrusts had gotten sloppier. His flesh hand had slipped into mine, fingers interlacing above our heads as my free hand carded through the hair at the nape of his neck. I held his face to mine, short breaths escaping our lips and mingling in the short distance between us. Bucky’s hips stuttered, and I clenched around him, causing him to twitch inside me as he let out a guttural groan. I whimpered, my own release crashing over me as I felt him paint my insides with his seed.

Neither of us moved for a moment, trying to catch our breaths, and then Bucky nudged my nose with his affectionately and I titled my head up to press my lips to his. He kissed me, tender and sweet, and when he cradled me to him and rolled us over into the pillows, I didn’t put up a fight, letting my post-orgasm haze drift over me as I started to doze off with my head pillowed on Bucky’s chest and his arms secured tight around me.

By the time I woke up, the sun had just started to peek over the horizon. I was still curled against Bucky’s side, his hand warm against my hip. The brevity of the situation hit me all at once, weighing heavy on my chest as a lump began to form in my throat. I’d just had sex. With my ex. In an apartment in New York City. All the progress I’d made moving past my feelings and getting over how broken-hearted the breakup had left me, shattered, in one moment of weakness. All my feelings for Bucky had rushed back to the surface, reminding me just how in love and obsessed we’d been with each other, and now all I could think of was how I was right back where I’d started, knowing I had to let him go, but working myself into a mess at the mere thought of it.

Sensing I was awake, Bucky’s fingertips traced circles over my bare flesh, raising goosebumps as he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of my head. I knew I should get up; I had a flight to catch in a few hours. All I wanted, though, was to bury myself further in Bucky’s embrace – Just one more night with him, one more night pretending that falling back into bed with him wasn’t the worst thing I could have done.

Biting back tears, I pulled myself away from Bucky, sitting up and holding the covers to my chest. His body followed mine, his lips brushing over my shoulder blade.

“You’re not leaving so soon, are you?” he murmured. “We still have time…”

I shook my head. “We can’t,” I said quietly.

“Of course we can, doll. You have plenty of time to get to the airport.”

“No.” I turned my head to look at him, ignoring the way my heart fluttered at how cute he looked all mussed-up and sleepy. “What are we doing, James?”

This caught him off-guard; I rarely called him by his given name. “What do you mean?” he asked slowly.

“What are we doing?” I repeated. “Why did you reach out to me?”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. “Because I missed you. I wanted to see you, (Y/N) –”

I cut him off. “That’s just it. I missed you too, but where does this get us? Like you said earlier, we didn’t work out for a reason. We can’t do this and expect to not end up in the mess we were before.” I shook my head, eyes glassy. “I was back in my feelings the moment I saw you, Bucky, and now…Now I’m losing my mind thinking of walking out that door, but we both know I have to.”

I couldn’t meet his eyes; I knew the heartbroken expression that would be etched into his beautiful face, and I knew that one look and my resolve would crumble.

“(Y/N)…” he whispered, but I could tell by the defeated tone in his voice he knew I was right.

“If I stay any longer, I’ll feel like I’m losing you twice. I can’t put myself nor you through that again – It was hard enough the first time,” I said quietly as I slipped out of bed and started redressing. Bucky sat, silent and motionless, until I’d laced up my boots. He jumped out of bed, tugging on a pair of sweatpants and following me out to the front door. He bit his lip as I shrugged on my coat. His hands stilled mine as I went to button it up, and I looked up at him, heart hammering against my ribcage and knees weak.

“I don’t ever want there to be hard feelings between us,” he murmured as he buttoned my coat for me, and I shook my head.

“Me either.” My voice was small.

“I love you, (Y/N). I always have, and I always will. But you’re right; we have to let each other go.”

Blinking back tears, I pulled his face down to mine in a goodbye kiss. He held me tight to him, and when we pulled apart his eyes were as glassy as mine. I reached up to trace my fingertips lightly along his jaw.

“Goodbye,” I whispered, and then I was out the door.

Later, as I sat in my seat and the plane took off, I looked out the window with tears in my eyes, saying goodbye forever to that New York apartment where I’d left my heart. Goodbye forever, until next time. Because I knew every time Bucky called me, I’d pick up and fall right back into my feelings for him, consequences be damned.


End file.
